Your Words and Your Worth
People in general love to talk. For most, talking is the perfect vehicle to bolster one’s sense of self, mostly as a way to hide low self-worth. You can recognize this in people who talk at length about their stories, or even the stories of others they have identified with, seemingly unaware of the interest level, or lack thereof, of the person to whom they are speaking. Think about the football fan who feels compelled to fill his wife in on what happened during the latest game, even though he knows that she doesn’t personally follow, or even enjoy, football. The husband has attached a positive sense of self to his favorite football team, or maybe not a team, but his love for football in general. In his talking about the game to his wife, he is demonstrating his expertise to her and feels he is sharing his excitement. To him, it would be viewed as a form of intimate communication, but to the wife who has no interest, it doesn’t feel intimate at all. It may even feel unnecessary or tedious to her. She doesn’t look at her husband and think football, because that isn’t who he is to her. Now, one of his co-workers, who is also a big lover of the sport, may have a conversation with the man about last night’s game and feel closer to him afterward, because of his own attachment to the sport. For the two men, the conversation does take on a level of intimacy.
So why doesn’t the husband honor his wife’s noted lack of interest in football by not talking to her about it? It is mean spirited on his part? Of course not. He’s not consciously trying to upset or disrespect her. Remember that, in his world, the sport is a positive part of who he is. Because of the identification there, he will find himself talking about it to the people around him. It has nothing to do with the person he speaks to and everything to do with his need to build and continually reinforce his sense of self. This is common among people with low self-worth. They will not talk about themselves in a meaningful way to others, because it requires a level of openness and vulnerability that frightens them. So, they resort to communicating about trivial things, or retelling the same stories over and over, and the impact it has on those around them has the opposite effect from their intention. They do it to feel closer, when it actually ends up pushing people away. The wife in our story, after tolerating her husband’s constant football stories for a time, will begin to create situations where she won’t be around for him to talk to. This could be conscious, or unconscious, on her part. Or, she may reach a point where she flat out tells him that she doesn’t want to talk about football anymore because it means nothing to her and she dislikes it. Either way, the energy of the wife’s repulsion is felt by the husband and he will be left feeling isolated or abandoned by is wife…certainly not closer to her.
When those who begin the work of self-inquiry look at their own personalities, it presents them with the opportunity to see where dynamics like this have been playing out. With enough courage and determination, the seekers can start to recognize that all their talking comes from a place of feeling not good enough. They will see that the stories aren’t them and that those stories don’t make them better, or more worthy. Then, they have the precious chance to begin sharing with others from a deeper place and connecting with others from the space of universal common ground, which is the heart. The heart has no need or desire to prove who it is in the world. It is at perfect peace in the silence, both alone and with others. Words themselves are polarized, as is the energy found within them, and they have an impact on the energetic fields of others. Those who are firmly rooted in the heart tend to remain silent far more than carrying on mundane conversation with others. When there is nothing to prove, words are few and far between.
So, use this lesson today as something else to investigate about “your” personality. If you have had the experience of feeling like people tune you out, or suspecting that they don’t care what you have to say, it’s a good bet that you’ve got some work to do here. You don’t need to support a false façade of “you” for the world and those you love. Get in touch with your innermost feelings and begin expressing that in the world from an honest place. Let the mundane fall away and the majority of the stories with it. You’ll be amazed at how peaceful it all becomes.
Be present here…now…and share your heart with the world.